Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Random Things That Can Catch a Football Better Than Ted Ginn

[NOTE: I originally wrote this following the infamous Saints game, however I got lazy trying to write a caption for each image. Being that I am still too lazy to write captions for these images, I will just post it as is. Enjoy!]

Ted Ginn Jr. is a professional. He gets paid three million four hundred twenty-four thousand six hundred and eighty dollars a year by the Miami Dolphins to do one simple task - catch a leather, oblong-shaped ball while running at a fast rate of speed. While he is quite adept at jaunting across the field at a high velocity, he fails in the most important aspect of his job - catching.

You see, Ted Ginn is a receiver. At least that is what his job description reads. The definition of a receiver is "one who receives something." The act of receiving entails collecting an item and maintaining it in one's possession. This is a concept that Ginn does not appear to grasp. Kind of like a football... Ever.

So while Ginn continues to cash a paycheck that he certainly doesn't earn, I will list some other people and things that would quite likely do as a good a job of catching a football as he does.

Without further ado...

#14: An Actual Dolphin

Dolphins are incredibly graceful and intelligent. As such, they are able to grasp difficult concepts and can be trained to perform a variety of tricks, including catching a ball - an ability that has thwarted Ted Ginn for so long. During a rain game at Landshark Stadium, an actual dolphin might serve as a exceptional replacement for Ginn. Heck, if I were Dolphins' owner Stephen Ross, I might just petition the league to install a giant Slip and Slide across the field for just this purpose.

#13: John Kerry

While John Kerry is more known for botching elections, he has also had his Ginnish moments with a football. While on the campaign trail (and on his way to failing epically in losing the election to one of the most unpopular Presidents of all time) in 2004, Kerry showed his skills with the pigskin. You can take a look at some of his greatest moments on the gridiron right here.

#12: Bill Buckner

#11: A Pepsi Machine

#10: Darren Sharper

# 9: Edward Scissorhands

#8: An Oiled-Up Fabio

#7: A Flying Squirrel

#6: USA Volleyball Star Logan Tom

#5: A Butterfinger Candy Bar

#4: Stephen Hawking

#3: The Arby's Mitt

#2: The Gum Under Your Shoe

#1: A Colony of Lepers